Be right back… next week

Written on July 10, 2010. Posted in Uncategorized. 2 Comments.

I’m leaving for a mission trip in Georgia (in the southern U.S., not the one that Russia invaded. Just to make that clear.) So therefore, I will not be around to post anything (comments, entries… threating letters…) or reply to anything (emails, your threatening letters…). I’ll be back next Saturday, but it’s supposed to be at like 10:00 PM (because it’s a 12 hour or so drive), so I won’t be posting anything until Sunday.

I was initially going to make that a little blurb at the end of a real entry, but circumstances have conspired against me and I’ve had a really stressful week, in which I have had no time or desire to do anything productive for myself. At all. If it says anything at all (and it should), I haven’t even been on Facebook for about three days. Not that that’s necessarily bad, but… okay, I’m rambling. I’m off to Savannah, see you next week!

Dear Internet Explorer

Written on June 29, 2010. Posted in Dear..., Online. 8 Comments.

You should know something. The longer I know you, the more I hate you. You’re doing bad things to my blood pressure. You’re probably raising my cholesterol. You’re probably going to be the reason I die an early death. You are the scum of internet browsers, a thorn in my virtual side that is causing me to slowly bleed out. Get it?

You see, Internet Explorer, you have several major personal problems to get around before I can take our relationship seriously. You’re slow. I’m not in the greatest physical condition, but even I can run circles around you. I’ve moved on to five different things by the time you’ve loaded half a webpage. You can’t get started quickly, either. You’re full of yourself. Every time I ask for you to open a single window, you open six. You’re not wanted that much. Get over yourself. You’re also constantly interrupting when I’m with another browser- if I’m doing something on Opera, you just pop in force me to stop what I’m doing whenever you feel like it. No need to make an effort to look jealous- you’re only making me like Opera more.

You make browsing and coding a nightmare. I suppose your attention seeking ways have given you a desire to be “special” and display things in your own “unique” way, but here’s a news flash- that’s not a good thing. It’s a headache. You’re causing people pain because you can’t bear to blend in. Just like that badly behaved kid in the back of the kindergarten class, you’d rather stick out for misbehaving than blend in for being good. That’s very mature of you, Internet Explorer.

In conclusion, Internet Explorer, you provoke my blind rage every time I’m forced to click on your icon. You could almost say our relationship is like that of a girl and her abusive boyfriend, except for the fact that I’m not suffering physical pain from being around you (guess what, Internet Explorer. You’re the abusive boyfriend.) I hate, hate, hate you, but at the same time, I need you- I can’t access Facebook or my email without you. Remember that, Internet Explorer- the only reason you exist on this computer is because of someone else’s inability to code to different browsers. If you want to play with the big kids like Firefox, Safari and Opera, grow up. Thank you for your time. Actually, no. I can’t really bring myself to thank you for anything.

Very much NOT yours,
Better Browsers Fan, A.K.A. Emily