Review: Twilight

Author: Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Sappy Romance
Recommended Audience: Well, I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone, actually.
Rating: 1/5

Most of you know by now that I am not a fan of this series- but to those of my readers who are, please just relax for a moment and listen to what I have to say. I promise that I don’t have a blind hatred for the series- actually, my dislike is rather well thought-out. I’ve taken the time to read all the books, as well- my opinion is based on, well, my opinion, rather than other people’s reviews. I tried to be as objective as possible... well, at least that was my original intention.

Now, I might be a bit biased against Twilight in the first place. I am not a big fan of romance novels, and, after all, Twilight is nothing but an over-hyped romance book. But I will admit, that, done right, a bit of romance can be interesting and captivating even to me. Twilight was just wrought with too many flaws to enjoy.

First, there is the issue of characters. Bella, the leading lady, is one of the most obnoxious examples of a female lead character I have ever encountered. Clumsy and “plain” (but apparently not plain, as it seems that every boy in her new town is falling over themselves to befriend her), narcissistic and self-centered, she looks down on everyone she encounters in Forks (including aforementioned boys) until she meets her super-special sparkly vampire boyfriend. She obsesses over him, and they start dating after a few days. Soon, she decides that he needs to make her a vampire too- so what if they’ve only known each other for three weeks, this is true love!!

Bella only gets worse in the next book, falling apart after Edward leaves her (hey, ladies, unless you have your man, your life is totally worthless!). She takes advantage of her friend, Jacob (who actually was the only good character in the story until he turned into a pedophile and “imprinted” on Renesmee, Edward and Bella’s half-human, half-vampire monster child who nearly kills Bella during birth), leading him on and using him to get over the fact that her Edward abandoned her then dumping his sorry butt when Edward comes back to her. In short, the author tried to create the image of depth and intelligence with Bella, but ended up making a horribly flat character whose life revolves around her boyfriend. Way to go, Ms. Meyer…

Now, about Edward. His only good quality seems to be his appearance, as is so often heralded in the book (his sparkling, ice cold marble skin, his perfect hair… OMG). He is a controlling and often unintentionally abusive boyfriend, telling Bella what she can and cannot do (refusing to let her visit her “friend” Jacob in the third book, for example). I have a feeling that Edward wouldn’t be quite so annoying if the author had focused less on his appearance and more on his personality, but as it was, Edward was boring. Sorry, fangirls.

Another issue was the plot (I mean, the lack of a plot.) The entire book series centers around Edward and Bella’s relationship (I love you! I love you too, but we can’t be together! But I don’t care- hold me! But I’ll hurt you… etc, blah blah blah..) This would have been fine, if the book had been normal sized- but the romance lasted for thousands of pages. THOUSANDS. It shouldn’t take that long- and most of it was fluff, describing either Edward’s god-like appearance or Bella’s irrational, obsessive love for him (HE SPARKLES!!!). Meyer attempts to insert some semblance of an actual plot about three-quarters of the way through each book, but that quickly fades away… even the epic “battle” that was supposed to take place near the end of the last book never happened, and was solved without any losses on either side. (And I was looking forward to one of the Mary/Gary Sue Cullens getting their throats slashed- will I never win?)

Meyer’s writing style just makes the whole thing worse. The woman uses the same adjectives over and over again, and constantly resorts to cheap descriptions of Edward’s body to take up space. She’s no writer. Some people compare her to J.K.Rowling, but I beg to differ- Rowling might not be a writer, certainly, but she’s an excellent storyteller. Her main characters were all amazingly developed; her plot was intricate and clearly well-thought out. Anyone who tries to compare the two should take a look- Rowling clearly has a few things going for her that Meyer does not.

I suppose what irritates me the most is the overt shallowness of the entire series and the overblown enthusiasm that it has encountered in the general public. I mean, come on- Sparkling vampires, a supposed “true-love” type of romance between two teenagers who knew each other for three weeks, no plot, a “strong” female lead who can’t survive without her boyfriend, and characters with no depth or personality- there are much better things to read out there. I don’t understand the fandom for Twilight out there- it’s just not that great. What scares me more is what this book seems to be teaching teenage girls- that it’s OK to decide that your boyfriend = your entire life, that abuse is OK (because when Edward hurts Bella, it’s all right, he didn’t mean it and they’re in luv, right!?!), and that everyone will get an Edward in their own life.

Especially that one. Because I really just want my friends to shut up about how they’re waiting for “Edward Cullen” to come and sweep them off their feet. Give me a break. Pick up a book with some depth. Twilight is no more worthy of your worship than my sock drawer… but there are so many more books that are.

Conclusion? One star out of five for effort. If that. Sorry, Twilight fans, but I guess I’m just not a Cullen sort of girl.